Following is a story of recovery written by a Crossroads client. We are sharing stories of recovery throughout September to celebrate Recovery Month. If you have a story to share, please email firstname.lastname@example.org.
This past year has been a long ride on a “roller coaster.” There have been ups and downs. In this year, I’ve been in jail a lot more and every time I go back out, there have been more consequences as a result of using and making “stupid,” impulsive decisions and choices.
This last time I was held without bail, and I was looking at a couple different felony charges along with some misdemeanors. I ended up getting out on Maine Pre Trial and was two and a half months sober!
I’ve been in and out of this program, but I never did the suggestions, the work and always have done it “my way.” That’s exactly why it’s never worked!
This time around, there are a lot of different things I’ve changed about behaviors, beliefs and myself. It’s very hard to do, but what feels comfortable or “good” is usually unhealthy or not “good” and usually the wrong thing to be doing!
I suggested Crossroads, and the courts and Maine Pre Trial made it mandatory. Which to me, I’m very grateful for and it’s a blessing in disguise! I’m doing it for myself but at the same time, I’m doing it to show the courts, pretrial and my family, I can do this and I do want this different “new” way of life!
I did not listen to the important suggestions in the past. I always did what I knew best, which was going back out. I did what I was comfortable with. And that’s part of the process. Doing what you’re uncomfortable with until you feel comfortable. By going back out, I’ve realized certain feelings or relapse signs that I thought wouldn’t use and processing that.
I know the easy thing for me is to “run” from either my true feelings or from whatever is happening. Now, I’m really trying to do things differently. For example, doing service work, joining a home group, going through the Big Book and doing the work, participating in the meetings and my groups.
Right now, I’ve got a sponsor. I am trying to call her more, and I continue to build my sober network with other females. I’m really taking this seriously because it keeps getting worse “out there,” and I probably don’t have another chance of recovery. I’ve got the great opportunity right now to change my life and to start a new way of life! I really want to become the daughter, sister, friend, peer, citizen and woman that “god” intended me to be.
This is my new chapter of life, and my new journey!